Now, for some people it’s easy to be an outdoor enthusiast and not be a jerk. However, for some, being a dirtbag douchebag comes quite naturally. Here are our thoughts on how to avoid being labeled as the douchebag at your local crag, ski hill, or in your social circle.
1. Don’t drive a Subaru. You probably live in the Bay Area or Portland, in which case you don’t need the all wheel drive to go to Whole Foods. That’s what your fixie is for.
2. Stop saying “bro.” Like really. Stop.
3. Leave your shirt on. You’re in the climbing gym, pulling on plastic pebbles. Stop it. Just leave it on.
4. Don’t start a blog about your adventures. You think you’re rad. You’re not.
5. Quit hating on sport climbers. They’re people too!
6. Stop giving out unsolicited advice. Whether it’s climbing beta or your opinion on water purification, I don’t want it.
7. Sweet stickers on your water bottle, bro. I know you think the NOLS sticker is a great conversation starter, but I couldn’t care less about the NOLS course you took when you were 17.
8. Skiers with GoPros mounted on your helmets: you look like a dweebus. Also, were you really going so fast that you needed to watch yourself face plant in slow motion?
9. All you skiers who shred the proverbial gnar and wear Tall T jackets down to your knees and use 18-inch poles, Willy Wonka called; he says to come back to Munchkin Land.
10. Lastly, don’t write an advice column about how to not be a douchebag. No one likes a self-righteous dirtbag.